October 23rd, 2007

Bruton Badge

We need better bullies!

Headline from today's Hartford Courant:  "Many Want Tougher Bully Law".

Bullies just aren't what they used to be.  One time, you could count on a bully to give a pansy kid an atomic wedgie, or stuff him in a locker, or get his breakfast and supper money too.  We need tougher bullies, like in the old days.  Okay, so bullies today have to face "consequences", like lawsuits or jail time.  That's all the more reason to toughen them up.  A sufficiently intimidating bully doesn't have to worry about "consequences".  That's why we need a law to make sure bullies can take whatever the wimps and nerds and geeks can throw at them.  The law should require anyone attempting to pick on someone smaller than him to go through a bully boot camp.  When he gets out, he'll be able to apply his skills in such fields as politics, where he can intimidate nerdy scientists into suppressing environmental reports, or take the lunch money from whole school districts all at once.  He might even become president and pick on smaller countries and laugh at them when they cry. 
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